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Scenario number two. You take your five-hour road trip to your old college town. Scenario number three.

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A long and HOT one. The last thing you want is the self-consciousness of sweaty balls and stinky butt. You might get lucky and you don't want to worry if everything is all good down there.

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There are plenty of perks to summer. The sun, the sand, the surf, the BBQ. All great.

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I tried to visualize how I shimmy my way out of the row, but I usually take so much xanax that I am rarely awake on planes, and if I am, I certainly do not remember how I shuffled out of the row, nor do I care. First, I do not think there has been a time on an airplane when I did not have swamp ass to some degree, and who wants a sweaty ass a mere inches from your face, surely not me. Also, you have no other choice but to look at this ass as it clumsily passes you by, using all your might to stay as far away.

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Skip navigation! At any given moment in the summer monthsmany of us may have a small river of sweat trickling down our backsides. Although it might be something you try desperately to keep to yourself, sometimes you can't hide the fact that your butt is pretty much drenched.

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Keep it fresh, keep it cool, keep yourself comfortable. You let it fall into disrepair. You hide it in a drawer with rubber bands and an old Blackberry.

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Many factors are involved. Are you male or female? Straight or gay? Thin or plump?

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